The Knight's Journal (Part 1)

In the corner of the dark lonely room lay discarded, a dented and tarnished suit of armour. The suit had certainly been used to extremes, and looked almost ready to fall apart through excess use. It’s owner, the Knight, awoke and tenderly touched his wounds. His whole body and soul were aching from the battles and his Spirit told him that it was finally over, yet in another way, he knew that it had only just begun. He had slain the dragons called 'System', 'Betrayal', 'Loss', and 'Sorrow', and although he was the victor he could only look on it all as a defeat. He also knew that the latter 3 dragons had sisters with the same names, and that he may still have to do battle with them again later in his life. Why had the war started, what had he done to offend? He realised that all his questions of "why?" were now a useless exercise. What’s done is done, time to move on with his life and for the first time in years ‘live’ again, he thought. The word "years" sent a cold shiver down his spine.

He looked across to the calendar on the wall. The month was October, and he really could not believe that his battles had been raging for nearly 2 years. Once in total despair he almost took his own life, that was in his ‘Dark Night of the Soul’, and yet something had stayed his hand and had given him the resolve to fight through the shadows of the 'Land of Despair'. He fought through all the pain, even when at times almost beaten, he found himself on one knee shouting to God "Why?" as he clutched his breast to protect the last remains of that bleeding tissue called his heart from further pain and suffering.
However he still fought on, and alone.

He looked around his room as if it represented his life. It was calm, it was tidy, it was warm, it was full of love, and inviting, was empty. He had now been alone for almost 2 years. 2 Years of fighting dragons, demons, and monsters, some of them creations of the mind.
As he lay there he remembered past times, happy times, times of companionship, of love and of laughter, and as he did a tear slowly rolled down his face. His heart once more spoke to him in that special way that only hearts know how. It started to hurt him.
It was then that he knew what had to be done. He knew what was going to end his pain, his suffering, and his loneliness. It was to receive the love of a 'Special' woman.

Now the Knight knew that the women from the tribe 'Special' were almost impossible to find. The tribe had been dispersed to the 4 corners of the Earth by God to protect them from the 'Demons of Avarice'. You see the women from the 'Special' tribe made the women from the ‘Ordinary’ tribe jealous. So those women had entreated the Demons to kill the 'Specials'. But God had stayed their hand. However as a sop to the remainder of womanhood, and as a 'test' for only the most worthy of Knights, he then scattered them to the wind, letting them fall back to the Earth but in a concentration of Spirit that was almost impossible to detect. As a protection against the other women who still sought revenge on them, God disguised the women from the 'Special' tribe to be just like their counterpart in looks and speech. They were not to look different from the other women or to sound like them. But God did one thing that made them identifiable, but only to a 'seeker' with great insight. He left their souls pure. He gave them the gift of deep love, fidelity and compassion, and removed the curse of betrayal and hurt, 2 of many bad things that he left intact with the 'Ordinary' tribe women.

So the Knight decided he must now undertake another quest. This was to find one ‘Special’ women, or be prepared to die trying. He vowed never to accept defeat, nor accept something inferior. Oh yes, the Knight knew that the women of the 'Ordinary' tribe had become very jealous of the 'Specials' and at times they even disguised themselves as 'Specials'. So the Knight knew his quest would be a long, difficult, and at times an arduous one.

The Knight however had one weapon in his armoury that he was to rely on time and time again in his quest. It was his 'Protectors'.
The ‘Protectors’ lived in another world and looked over the Knight from that place. They cared for and protected him, sometimes from himself. The Knight knew that the 'Battles of Darkness' were known to the ‘Protectors’ many, many years before, and they had been 'moulding' him and preparing him for the battles that lay before him.

It was the 'Protectors' who throughout his life's journey these 2 last years had slowly drawn the Knight into another world, yet still leaving him in this one. He was asked to enter the 'Brotherhood of Love and Communication'. The Knight entered willingly and strove diligently within it to help others and give love to all without exception, something that the Knight found the most difficult when giving love to those who had hurt him deeply. But still the Knight worked hard for the 'Protectors'. He felt that he had to repay the debt to them, a debt he would always acknowledge.

The 'Protectors' inspired the Knight to commit certain deeds and actions in the search, one of which was to go around the 'Villages of Love' and leave his mark for all to see. He placed words about himself in public places for the populace to read. In those words he told a story about himself, that only the most astute could truly and fully understand. He said in a code that only the 'Special' women knew, that he sought them, because he also knew that in the end they would only permit him to find them if he proved himself to be worthy. Throughout his search the Knight met many women, some of whom came into his life for only moments, others stayed for a few weeks, but all were not from the 'Special' tribe. Oh yes, some of them were ‘special’ within their own tribe, but none were from the tribe that he sought. At times when his Spirit was low, he allowed through ignorance, members from the other tribe who were of the worst kind to become his companion. Those few women did as they always did, and hurt the Knight. There were times during his quest when tears had run down his face and the Knight could be seen alone in the 'Dark Room of Pain' sobbing and begging his maker for the key to the 'Door of Return'. To be allowed in the midst of all the pain to return once more to the 'Land of Joy and Love'. The request as always was ..........."DENIED".

Today, many months since the beginning of the quest, the Knight sits alone and ponders. The tarnished armour that he wore all those months ago that was dented and worn from the 'Battles of Darkness', had been transformed throughout his quest into something that was shining and new. It reminded the Knight of his heart, a heart that was bursting with love once more.....yet still had only a void within him to feed. "What a waste" thought the Knight, "what a terrible waste".
Once more alone, the Knight sits and writes a Journal of his exploits in his mind, and looks on those pages as if searching for the answer, something that he had done many times over the past years. Did he miss something? Had he met his 'Special' woman and inadvertently let her go, let her leave his life? Perhaps it was one of the women from the 'Villages of Love' who had written to him, and whom he never met for one reason or another? He knew he could not go back and seek any of them out again, that was not part of the code of chivalry that he accepted he must follow when he started his quest. So looking at the pages of the Journal in his mind, he asked God to write something in them. To point him in the direction he must now travel to find the woman he sought.

Then with a flash of blinding pain, as tears once more start to fall down his face, he sobs uncontrollably and there he sits for some time. You see he had just seen the message from God. It had been there in his Journal all the time and he had never seen it before. It had stood out and he had been blind to it. All those months of pain and anguish and the answer lay before him all along. The thing that God had told him to do to reach 'her' was written there, and finally he could read it.

God had written............................ nothing.


When we look for that 'Special' someone too hard we can stop them coming to us. The message from God was let go of the ‘want’ and let the wonder that is waiting to enter your life, do so.

God bless you all.


There will be more..........................

(c) Keith Wilkinson (August 2002)